Chapter 9 – Be brave—don’t make assumptions!
In this chapter, Meylyne is mortified when Blue reveals to Grimorex that her father is Meph—Glendoch’s notorious outlaw. She assumes Grimorex will think there’s something wrong with her, just like everyone else at home. This makes her feel so bad about herself that she becomes cold and defensive. It would be no surprise if Grimorex did think there was something wrong with her, the way she acts. In other words, her behavior would have caused the very thing she was worried about—not her father!
(As it is, Grimorex is intrigued by Meph and does not think worse of Meylyne in the slightest—if anything he thinks having Meph for a father is pretty cool.)
This sort of thing happens so often. We misinterpret others’ actions and words and it causes all sorts of unnecessary drama. Often it causes us to bring about the sort of drama that, before we acted on our assumptions, exists only in our heads!
One of my favorite books is called THE FOUR AGREEMENTS. In this, the author (don Miguel Ruiz) says there are four simple agreements that we can make with ourselves to free ourselves from this sort of needless drama. One of these agreements is NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS – In this, he advises us to “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.”
When I think of how much sadness and drama I have experienced from not following this, it amazes me! For example, in high school I had a best friend. My parents used to call her my “life-support system” because we were inseparable. Then, out of nowhere, she pulled away, choosing a new best friend. I had no idea why. I was heartbroken but too confused and resentful to ask. Years later she confided it was because she thought I was going to leave her! Her leaving first was a pre-emptive strike. Can you see how crazy that is? All because both of us made assumptions about the other’s behavior instead of talking about it!
And even though I tell myself now to never make assumptions … to seek to understand … to have the courage to say how I feel … it’s still hard for me. Just the other day I had a date with a friend and I left feeling frustrated. I felt she said some insensitive stuff. Have I picked up the phone to ask her why she said what she did? To say how it makes me feel?
No. I tell myself I can’t be bothered. That it’s no big deal. That it will pass. Maybe it will, but I am still missing an opportunity to strengthen our friendship. If I were to make an effort and experience that vulnerability, I’m sure we’d end up closer after we hashed out all the difficult stuff. It would make it easier for her to be more honest with me too!
How about you? Has this ever happened to you? What assumptions are you currently making about a situation or a person? I’d love to hear from you!